Down.

Time is ticking. Hours have past me by. Sleep, why won’t you just let me sleep? I’m so tired of thinking but it’s beyond my control. Why do I still long for you? Why do I go hurt my feelings by looking at unnecessary things? I can’t help it, I just needed to know how you’re doing. Holding all the feelings of hurt inside me, bear it longer I can’t. Why is it just so hard to put it down. Won’t you teach me? Sigh.

1분 1초

I can’t let go(go go go)
어딜 봐도 네 모습이 보이고(무너지는 내 맘)
숨길 수가 없어 baby 단 기다리는 1분 1초도

I can’t let go(go go go)
어딜 가도 네 목소리 들리고(부서지는 심장)
숨쉴 수가 없어 baby 단 기다리는 1분 1초도
(한 순간도 단 1분 1초도)

그 날 넌 머리가 맘에 안 들고 눈이 부었다고 다시 잠 들고
난 외투를 벗으며 말 없이 삐지고 전화길 들어 밥을 시키고
커튼을 치고 몇 시간이 지났는지도 모르고 watchin’ DVD’s (just you and me)
어깨에 기댄 너의 숨소리 난 나가지 않길 잘했다고 생각했지

우습게도 이런 기억들이 아직도 날 괴롭힌다
문득 네가 했던 농담들이 기억나고 무너진다
아무것도 아닌 순간들이 오늘도 날 뒤엎는다
문득 네가 짓던 표정들이 기억나고 부서진다

I can’t let go(go go go)
어딜 봐도 네 모습이 보이고(무너지는 내 맘)
숨길 수가 없어 baby 단 기다리는 1분 1초도
(시간이 멈추고 심장이 멈춰도)

I can’t let go(go go go)
어딜 가도 네 목소리 들리고(부서지는 심장)
숨쉴 수가 없어 baby 단 기다리는 1분 1초도
(한 순간도 단 1분 1초도)

그 어딜 가도 창가 옆 모퉁이 구석자리에
앉을 때 손을 포개 놓지 왼쪽 다리에
피곤해 하품할 땐 닦은 눈물을 보곤 해
그리곤 바보처럼 웃어 양 볼엔 보조개

물을 마실 땐 항상 세워 둔 새끼손가락
눈이 부셨어 윤기나던 검은 머리카락
서툰 젓가락질조차 매력이라 말했어
부르튼 입술도 난 영원하길 바랬어

This is LOV to the E
그 사소했던 기억이 맘을 뒤섞고 나를 뒤엎고
눈물은 끝이 없지(없지)
사랑은 폭풍도 흔들지 못하는 마음을
몰아치는 빗물 한 방울 the little memories

술찬처럼 비워진 투명해진 우리의 작은 추억들
돌이키려 돌아 봐도 다신 만들 수 없는 그대와의 기억
어젯밤 꿈처럼 선명한데 날 떠났네

I can’t let go(go go go)
어딜 봐도 네 모습이 보이고(무너지는 내 맘)
숨길 수가 없어 baby 단 기다리는 1분 1초도
(시간이 멈추고 심장이 멈춰도)

I can’t let go(go go go)
어딜 가도 네 목소리 들리고(부서지는 심장)
숨쉴 수가 없어 baby 단 기다리는 1분 1초도
(한 순간도 단 1분 1초도)

한 순간도 단 1분 1초도
I can’t let go

(I can’t let go)  순간의 작은 속삭임도
(한순간도) 달콤한 둘만에 비밀도
(아름다웠던 만큼 슬펐던 그대와 나)
내 눈물이 그대에게 기억될수 있을까

(I can’t let go) 둘만의 버릇과 습관도
(한순간도) 그 아름다웠던 순간도
(아직 한순간도 단 1분 1초도)
되돌릴 수가 없어 단 1분 1초도

Lost.

Where do I go from here? What am I suppose to do? Who can I share my feelings with? When will I see you again? How long more this heartache of mine will last? Sigh. I’m lost without your love. It’s so hard to go through a day without you. Thinking that I could but always ended up with tears getting in the way. How I wish I could sleep through the night and waking up remembering nothing else. But this just won’t happen for you always appear in my dreams. Sigh. Oh Lord, take my hand and lead me I pray.

Hours.

It’s just hours more till morning comes and I’m here wandering aimlessly. I’m feeling tired and aching all over my body. Sleeps have not been kind to me lately, giving me only a couple of hours and each time bringing me back to reality with tormented dreams. Waking up sweating, confused, scared yet emotional. Heartbeats might have even beat twice as fast as it should. This give me thoughts of taking antidepressant, that’s only if  the state I am in turned worse. Every day and night, you’ve been staying on my mind. Every little thing that I do, it just reminds me of you. All the time we used to be together, sharing and enjoying each other company. Those times are gone now. Sigh. Memories flashback. And when it does, my heart aches so bad that it makes tears flow from my eye. Pain, is all I felt. How I wish I could get rid of all these feelings once and for all. Keeping it in heart would just hurt oneself more. Feelings of sorrow, sadness, get rid I must.  Though I know it myself that it won’t be possible to happen in just a couple of days, I just hope it doesn’t last till months or worse still, years. Sigh. And now.. 12 more hours till my flight. Supposedly it will be a fun trip but now I don’t even feel like going for it. Why o’ why.. Nothing can turn back time now. The feelings we used to share have left her, so far away that it wouldn’t return no matter what.  Even with my might, nothing can be done to change the fact. Let bygones be bygones.

At this moment.

This blog has been left alone for a whole year and the same fate has come upon me. Sigh. I’m feeling so lost.

Boo-yah!

Haha. Nothing else better to do. Time passes by so slowly. Sigh. BTW, accidentally found some old pictures taken with the Nikon N75 which my brother bought through Ebay. Scanned it but the quality ain’t that good cause I scanned with low dpi. Anyway, here’s the first one. I think it was taken during the Japan GT Roadshow 07′ outside of Sungai Wang. Only one shot boleh pass, lain failed. Other pictures will be posted up soon. Tara.

Japan GT Queen for year 2007.

I’m Doris. No, wait, I’m still Marcus.

Hola. I was blog surfing the other day and happened to visit Chiu Mun’s blog. She posted a result of a test an online test she took. Well, seems fun cause I might get to know myself better. I gave it a try and here’s the results. This result will help readers out there to know me better. xD Most of it are true except some which is not so true. Heh. If you want to give it a try, here’s the link: http://www.helloquizzy.com/tests/are-you-a-jackie-or-a-marilyn-or-someone-

Till next time, tara.

You are a Doris — “I must help others.”

Dorises are warm, concerned, nurturing, and sensitive to other people’s needs.

How to Get Along with Me

• * Tell me that you appreciate me. Be specific.
• * Share fun times with me.
• * Take an interest in my problems, though I will probably try to focus on yours.
• * Let me know that I am important and special to you.
• * Be gentle if you decide to criticize me.

In Intimate Relationships

• * Reassure me that I am interesting to you.
• * Reassure me often that you love me.
• * Tell me I’m attractive and that you’re glad to be seen with me.

What I Like About Being a Doris

• * being able to relate easily to people and to make friends
• * knowing what people need and being able to make their lives better
• * being generous, caring, and warm
• * being sensitive to and perceptive about others’ feelings
• * being enthusiastic and fun-loving, and having a good sense of humor

What’s Hard About Being a Doris

• * not being able to say no
• * having low self-esteem
• * feeling drained from overdoing for others
• * not doing things I really like to do for myself for fear of being selfish
• * criticizing myself for not feeling as loving as I think I should
• * being upset that others don’t tune in to me as much as I tume in to them
• * working so hard to be tactful and considerate that I suppress my real feelings

Dorises as Children Often

• * are very sensitive to disapproval and criticism
• * try hard to please their parents by being helpful and understanding
• * are outwardly compliant
• * are popular or try to be popular with other children
• * act coy, precocious, or dramatic in order to get attention
• * are clowns and jokers (the more extroverted Dorises), or quiet and shy (the more introverted Dorises)

Dorises as Parents

• * are good listeners, love their children unconditionally, and are warm and encouraging (or suffer guilt if they aren’t)
• * are often playful with their children
• * wonder: “Am I doing it right?” “Am I giving enough?” “Have I caused irreparable damage?”
• * can become fiercely protective

Shanghai, Day II.

Morning call was 0600 but I slept until 0645. Quickly washed up and went downstairs for breakfast. Nothing special for breakfast, just ordinary buns, noodles and stuffs. The food which tasted best was eggs. Yea, I said eggs. Much tastier than other food served but I don’t know if those eggs were injected with melamine. O.o Settled with breakfast, we boarded onto the bus and headed to our first destination. First on schedule was Oriental Pearl TV Tower, which is located at Pudong Park, Shanghai. We went up to the top by an elevator which moves at the speed of 7m/s. Inside the elevator, there was a lady attendant reciting the introduction of the Oriental Pearl TV Tower. She sounded more like a robot than human being. Her timing was so perfect, she finished the introduction when we reached the top of the building. The view from the top is nice, where you can see the whole city but if only that day wasn’t hazy. Sigh.

The hazy sky.

The ever growing city of Shanghai.

Since the view wasn’t nice, we went down after 10 minutes being up there. At the base of the tower, there’s a wax museum which shows Shanghai’s culture during back then until now. Here are some shots of the wax figures inside the wax museum.

Lady on trishaw.

Photographer in the older days.

Craftsman.

A man reading newspaper while waiting at the barbershop.

We proceeded to a factory selling miracle cream (I don’t remember the name of the cream), where you can apply to any injuries including burns. However, they did not perform it to us. They just promoted it since most of the tourist have heard of the product they are selling. We were treated to a free foot massage by unprofessional foot massagers. -.-” Who cares, it’s free anyway. Next destination was Zhouzhuang or also known as the ‘Venice of China’ because it’s an ancient water city in the Jiangsu province. It was a 2 hour bus ride to Zhouzhuang, my butt was aching due to the long journey without stop. The ancient water city was beautiful, surrounded by water, plenty on pretty flowers and chilling temperature. The tour guide led us to the old houses, mostly belongs to Yuan, Qing and Ming dynasties. The water lanes and stone bridges attracted me most.

Boat ride.

A young artist drawing the scenic view.

Locals on their boats by the river.

The day was getting dark already even though it was only 1730, it was time for our dinner. We were brought to a restaurant nearby the streets we visited. Over at Zhouzhuang’s ancient water city, it is famous for its Wansan Pig’s leg. The upper pig’s leg is stewed in brown sauce over a slow fire, which makes the meat tender. (This is making me hungry and wanting to visit Zhouzhuang again. xD) The Wansan Pig’s leg can be easily purchased around the area because there are several shops which only sell pig’s leg. Several trays of pig’s leg placed in front of the shop to attract hungry customers. A must try if you happened to visit Zhouzhuang.

For night activity, we were brought to watch the Zhouzhuang’s water city cultural show. An hour of performance which shows the culture and daily life of people in Zhouzhuang. Let’s just move on to the pictures.

The main stage.

Dance of the umbrella.

Rice harvesting.

Matchmaker.

Matchmaker with servant girls.

"Teh girls. Not teh shemale!"

The 'Pang Zi' gets the girl. -.-"

The whole performance was pretty interesting, describing the villager’s daily activities throughout the year. Heh. Village girls ain’t bad too. xD Anyway, went back to hotel after the show. We couldn’t go out at night. Not that we were not allowed to but there was nothing near the hotel, not even convenient stores. Sigh. Took my bath and had a good night sleep till the next day.

Kuala Selangor.

30th December 2008

The night before, which is the 29th, we planned to go Kuala Selangor in the morning after doing some research on the place. We planned to visit Taman Alam because of it’s flora and fauna, where you can spot birds migrating due to season change and sometimes otters if you’re lucky enough, and Bukit Melawati for a view of Straits of Malacca from the hill. Without any hesitation, we decided to go there, wake up at 6. Went home after mamak was already around 2am. Kit said he will not be sleeping, so I told him to wake us up. But Kit let us down, so did Brian. xD Anyway, woke up around 12pm on the 30th. Brian sms-ed stupid messages to me, ‘eh, what the duck’. He did not sleep and yet did not wake us up to go. Giving lame excuses like who’s driving. Sigh. It was late already to go there, especially to Taman Alam. We planned and planned and decided. We’ll still go to K.Selangor eventhough there isn’t much time left. At 230pm, I went and fetch them all and headed to K.Selangor. The journey took us around an hour half. Reached there was already 445pm. First, we went to Taman Alam to check out how it was. Entrance fee was RM12 if I’m not wrong. Since it was late, we did not enter instead went to Bukit Melawati which was free. At the top of the hill, there were lotsa silvered leaf-monkey (Presbytis cristata) over there. We managed to take some pictures since we brought along our cameras. I bought some long beans, meant for feeding the monkeys. I took a piece and gave it to a mother with it’s young. Out of a sudden, came a monkey and snatched off my packet of beans from my other hand. I was like.. -.-” These monkeys are surely fast and agile. Forget about that, I just continued taking pictures of the monkeys.

Count the monkeys.

One-eye blind.

Come here, my padawan.

A mother protecting it's young. (actually breastfeeding, seriously.)

We got tired of taking pictures. So, we went looking for places to have our dinner. Traveled over to a fisherman’s village, plenty of seafood restaurants and shops selling seafood products. After wasting time ‘chui sui’, we decided to try the ‘Riverview’ Restaurant which was recommended on the internet for first-timers to K.Selangor. Over there, we ordered crab cooked with salty eye yolk, a siakap fish cooked in asam style, deep fried sotongs and lalas, literally. We expected the bill would come up expensive since everything we ordered were seafood, but it only costs us RM91.50, with no government tax nor service surcharge. A fine meal with fine price. Done with dinner, we walked to nearby shops to buy fresh fish balls  and fish crackers.

The start of sunset.

Since we were there already, we went to watch fireflies over at Bukit Belimbing. Drove deep inside into kampung area, travel through trunk roads, without street lamps. We reached Bukit Belimbing Firefly Park Resort around 815pm. It was windy that night, we tried purchasing tickets for the boat ride but they say had to wait for the condition to be stable. We thought we won’t be able to sight fireflies, wasting our efforts going there. Then, it was less windy and we were able to go for the ride. The ride lasted 30 minutes and cost RM12 per person. It was a nice experience, watching fireflies along the river but the amount of fireflies was nothing to brag about. It was little and it totally looked like little yellow light bulbs lit on trees. -.-” Anyway, it was okay la since I won’t be going back there anymore. Experience it once is enough. It was 915pm and we headed back home since it was late already, expecting to reach back to KL by 11pm plus. We took the road not taken, wanted a more adventurous ride home. Well, we did, we took the trunk road back to Rawang. It was dark and creepy, no streetlamps for few kilometres. Luckily we followed behind a truck or else we would have got lost. Going all the way till the reaching junctions, we got on to the North South Express or else we’ll be traveling down to Ipoh. xD We exited at Rawang and went back to the city center. Later, met up with Siong Tat and Harrison at Pun San. Went home around 1am since everyone else was tired already.

Another post has ended. Next post would be Shanghai, Day 2 which takes sometime on that. Anyway, to all my viewers out there, just want to wish you guys a Blessed New Year. Till then, tara.

Christmas Eve celebration at WeeKiat’s.

Christmas was like.. a week ago. And now I’m only posting on the event. Anyway, here goes. Wee Kiat hosted a Christmas eve BBQ celebration at his aunt’s place over at Bukit Mandarina. We, PSG, went for the party since we were invited. Baby and I went there much earlier than the rest ( Queenie was earlier than me -.- ) cause we helped Wee Kiat to buy lamb and beef for barbeque. His place was actually easy to find, just that the name of the place was weird. Sounds like the expensive baggage, ‘Mandarina Duck’. Right, while we were transporting food stuffs over to his aunt’s place, I saw Win Loon’s car coming in. I directed him to a parking, acting as a car jockey, giving directions to park. Suddenly the mirror came down and it wasn’t Win Loon driving. I was like.. owhkay~. It was a girl, a little gold highlights on the hair. She said something but I can’t remember cause I was stunned for a moment. I think she did ask me if I know who she was. By looking at her, I thought she was Ping Kee, and I nearly said out Ping Kee’s name. Luckily I hold back my tongue, and off she went. LOL. Then I asked everyone who that girl was. It was actually Win Loon’s second sister. Right, never expected that she’ll drive them there and randomly talked to me. Went back to the kitchen and marinated the mutton and beef, while the others enjoyed socializing at the living room.

When everyone arrived, it was already around 7 plus. Brought all the barbeque utensils and food stuffs to the playground, set up the grill and WK’s brother helped to start up the fire. While waiting for the charcoals to be ready, we played with the swings, see-saw and the slide. As stated at the playground rules, the playground was only meant for kids below the age of 12, and we big size kidults played there. O.o Heh. There was chicken wings, mutton, beef, sausages, meatballs, corns, sweet potatoes and Marie’s kurma chicken ( didn’t tried it cause I didn’t know she brought >.< ) for that night.

From left: Ping Kee, Win Loon, Ji Yang, Kar Kit, Sook Mian and Yip Kent.

Nuggets were finish in less than half an hour.

'Don't you try to take my beef without my permission, Kit.'

The girls couldn’t eat much and went back to the house. As usual, left us guys to finish up the food and clean up the mess. I sapu-ed around 10 pieces of chicken wings, 2-3 slices of mutton and 1 small piece of beef. Best thing about it is that, after dividing the costs equally, each one only has to pay around RM12 for the meal. Where is da world can you get such a good meal for such a price? xD After packing up the things, went back to the house for the present exchanging session. Everybody brought a gift and they’ll get an exchanged present randomly. I got a mug with a teddy bear from Wai Mun while baby got a pink hairband but don’t know who gave that. There was a few weird presents such as ‘Gasoline’ food and beverage menu, toilet paper roll without the paper, empty toothpaste and more. I tau la they ask you guys to bring old and used item, tak payah la till empty toothpaste kan? LOL. It was late already, around 1230am, baby had to go home since the parents expect her to balik early. Fetched her home and I went back to the party since the guys did not decide where to go next. Back there, we played cards while others played mahjong.

There was this colourful hat I saw and honestly it looked like those hats usually used by leukemia patients. Heh. We forced got Kar Kit to try it on and I must say, Kar Kit is a pretty good actor. xD Here’s a picture of how he looked like in that hat while receiving a present from the paedophile Santa Kent.

Here ya go, little one. (Picture credited to Harrison)

It was super late already and the girls have not go home yet which is quite an unusual sight. Queenie had to go back cause it was too late for her, so she requested us to sent her home. We went to the nearby foodcourt ‘118 KK’ for a drink before going home. *fast forwarded* By the time I sent them all home, it was already 5am. Didn’t had the gate control with me that night so had to park the car outside and climb through the gate. Open the door, went upstairs and I saw Kingsley awake, using the laptop. -.-” I should have called him rather than climbing over the gate. LOL. Took my bath and went to bed.

That’s all folks. Got to send my brother’s sputum to Klinik Ampang now. Till then, tara.

*The pictures of barbeque were taken by baby*